Tag Archive for preller writing lesson

Writing Tips #2: A Look at One Page from DOCTOR DE SOTO by William Steig (Scene & Summary)

I recently wrote a throwaway post on Facebook that got a surprising amount of attention. It was about soaking dishes. Yeah, wild, I know. I wrote a sentence that owed something, perhaps, to a specific moment in William Steig’s Doctor De Soto picture book. 

I say “perhaps” because it’s hard to pin down where influences end and ideas originate. It spins in a circle, consciously and unconsciously. Who knows. 

What I had written was: “I’m a pot and pan soaker. So was my father, and his father before him. It’s always been that way with my family.”

It made me remember De Soto and look up the scene:

Forgive the blur. The good doctor informs his wife, “Once I start a job, I finish it. My father was the same way.”

So, sure, he does it far more economically & elegantly than I managed to on social media. In my defense, he’s William Steig writing a book and I’m only James Preller blasting out a few thoughts on Facebook. 

Here’s the full text from the page in case the blur is too hard to read:

That night the De Sotos lay awake worrying. “Should we let him in tomorrow?” Mrs. De Soto wondered.

“Once I start a job,” said the dentist firmly, “I finish it. My father was the same way.”

“But we must do something to protect ourselves,” said his wife. They talked and talked until they formed a plan. “I think it will work,” said Doctor De Soto. A minute later he was snoring. 

One comment before the main thing:

I’m as opposed to adverbs as the next guy, probably more, but “firmly” sure does a lot of good work in that phrase, said the dentist firmly

A clear signal. There would be no debate. This strikes me as that rare thing: a good adverb.

Something interesting happens on this page, where “scene” meets “summary.”

We are in a scene from the beginning, of course, announced by those two words: That night. It’s a variation on the “one day” trope of so  many picture books: things are always so until . . . one day something happens. Story begins with scene.

We find ourselves with the De Sotos, flies on the lavender wallpaper, listening to them discuss the mortal danger of treating the fox’s toothache. Then comes that great sentence:

They talked and talked until they formed a plan.

The camera doesn’t move to a new perspective, it just pulls back and suddenly there’s a great distance. We are transported to the land of summary: They talked and talked until they formed a plan

I wonder how Steig arrived at this sentence. Did he try to write out that full conversation in early drafts? Did he wrestle with it for days, weeks? Did he worry about the length, the slowness, the slog? This was intended, after all, for a 32-page picture book. There wasn’t time to waste. It could be that Steig immediately went to summary, instinctively knowing that he had to keep the plot moving forward. 

So there’s this: Summary allows the writer to play with time

The writer can make time move quickly, cross decades in a single sentence, or can slow it down to a drip, drip . . . drip. Even slower than real time. 

In my current work-in-progress, a middle-grade novel tentatively titled Shaken (Macmillan, 2024), I decided to make a leap of four months from one chapter to the next. Those four months occur in the gap between those two chapters, the way that in a comic or graphic novel there’s a sliver of time in the spaces between each panel. This leap required a sentence or two of summary. Time passed. Winter turned to Spring. That kind of thing (but not those words). 

Aside: Do you ever notice, btw, how very young children are unable to summarize when they recount, say, a movie they just watched? it’s always: and then, and then, and then, and then, etc. The art of summary is really about prioritizing. Recognizing what’s significant and what isn’t. Elmore Leonard’s great rule for writing: “Try to leave out the parts that readers tend to skip.”

Let me make up an example on the spot:

He spent the summer working on the cabin, rising early and laboring until dark, while the loneliness filled up inside him. One September day, there was a knock on the door . . . 

Summary –> Scene. The storyteller (and his listeners, one assumes) is not interested in all those dull empty days of summer. That part is boring. Let’s skip it. So the storyteller makes time fly by, an entire summer in a sentence.

Then there’s a knock at the door.

Time slows to a crawl.

He pauses, uncrosses his legs. Puts down the novel — Steinbeck’s Of Mice and Men — spine up on the end table. He gazes out the window. The last light of evening had long ago died.  A faint drone of tree frogs pressed against the panes. Who could it be at this hour? Should he rise to answer it? He coughs, and waits.

Anyway, yeah, it’s cool how Steig pulls that off in the middle of a scene — a sentence of summary, omitting at least an hour of discussion — before he returns us right back to that same “moment” (without ever moving the camera; the focus just gets tighter). 

He ends the page with another great understated sentence. 

A minute later he was snoring. 

A minute has passed in the distance from a period to the capital letter of the next sentence. A minute later. And lo, the good doctor is asleep! Resolved and at peace. Troubled no more. The plan has been set and he needs his rest. 

I’d turn the page, right?

Wouldn’t you?

What is the plan, anyway? 

Steig didn’t tell us. He withholds. That’s actually another technique worthy of discussion. The vital importance of being clear, and answering questions for the reader as soon as possible (to avoid confusion), but also to recognize the value of not answering every question.

How those unanswered questions can prod the reader to do the single best thing that any reader can ever do — turn the page. 

William Steig was a writer who knew what he was doing.

CLICK HERE for Writing Tip #1.

Revision Week: Part 3 (“Kill Your Darlings”)

For Revision Week here at jamespreller.com, I’ve found myself going through old manuscripts, seeking salient examples of my revision process. And while there are many, what’s even more pressing to me is that I’m revising a manuscript right now.

So I’ll stick with what’s immediately in front of me as an example.

Perhaps the most enervating aspect of revision is what I’ll call, The “I Stink” Syndrome. (And I’m watching my language here.) Where as writers we look at what we’ve written and realize that it’s not very good. Maybe even awful. And by extension, that we aren’t very good either. Conclusion: I stink.

You can’t write without confidence and this is a treacherous moment. So you have to fight those thoughts, even as you recognize that maybe what you wrote isn’t entirely a success. You have to let yourself off the hook. It stinks . . . but maybe I don’t.

As William Faulker once said of revision, it’s now time to “kill all your darlings.”

I just  overhauled a section of the book in which I repeatedly made a schoolboy mistake, an error that I should never make, not at this stage in my career. Yet there it was, clear as mud: I failed to “Show, Don’t Tell.” These writing lessons have to be learned over, and over, and over again.

As a visiting author, I go into schools and talk about the importance of showing. I’ll speak with large groups of kids and we’ll have lively, uproarious discussions about it. I’ll say, “I just took a train to New York. My editor asked about my trip. I told her it was terrible, absolutely horrible, the worst train trip ever.”

Then I’ll ask if anyone can tell me about my train trip. Of course, they can’t. There’s no detail. Zero visuals. So I propose that we try it again, with their help, by adding details. Think, everybody: What could happen on the worst train ride ever?

Once they catch on, the hands shoot up, the ideas get more hysterical (and sometimes disgusting), and laughter fills the room. The lesson is conveyed. Show, Don’t Tell.

So that’s a lot of what I’m doing this past week. Taking parts where I’ve told something about a character and writing new, brief scenes where we see that character in action. Really, it’s so basic that it’s almost embarrassing to admit.

In the previous manuscript, halfway through the book in Chapter 14, I wrote:

Jude considered himself a different kind of runner entirely. First of all, his father jogged; Jude ran. To Jude’s way of thinking, it was a big difference. His father was one of those old guys who stopped after his run, winded and panting, two fingers on his neck trying to find a pulse while his eyes stared at the watch on his wrist, counting the beats. Goofy, if you asked Jude. A lot of times, Jude headed out in just a pair of shorts. No shirt, no shoes, a barefoot runner in the ‘burbs. Nobody could say nothing, because Jude was faster than them all. He sometimes imagined himself as an old Indian messenger amongst the mesas, running till he found the next tribe somewhere over the rise. It was never about numbers for Jude. Not the distance traveled, nor the time it required. He ran for the love of it, like a colt in the grass.

Okay, I suppose that’s fine, and there’s a few nice phrases in there, some darlings I’ve come to like. Maybe there’s an image or two in there I’ll keep. But in thinking about the book as a whole, I needed to bring out that distinction sooner, allow the father to be present and alive. Show, don’t tell.

So I wrote a new scene and brought it all the way up to Chapter 5. Jude is back from his first day of work at Jones Beach. And we see the father. Note: My editor hasn’t seen a word of this, and it’s very likely to change significantly before I officially hand it in, so it’s possible this revision might not fly either. But here you go, folks, writing in the raw.

Jude stank of hamburger. He could barely stand it, the reek of cooked cow that clung to his clothes the whole bus ride home. He couldn’t wait to shower, rejoin the human race.

He saw his father out by the street in a cling-tight pair of black running shorts, stretching his Achilles tendon with one foot against the curb. Way more of dad’s butt than anybody needed to see.

“Hey, Jude,” his father greeted him. “I was just going out for a run. Want to join me?”

He always asked. Jude and his father hadn’t run together in years, but he always asked. And each time when Jude declined there was a lingering look of disappointment in his father’s eyes, a sag to his shoulders.

Jude pulled at the front of his sweat-stained shirt. Shook his head, “I’m too gross, can’t.”

Mr. Fox nodded as if he understood, and checked his sports watch. It was his new toy, a runner’s watch with all the latest features, heart rate monitor, pace alerts, session distance, GPS capability, the works. Jude’s father loved data, and as far as Jude was concerned, he did everything possible to suck the last ounce of joy out of jogging. Mr. Fox turned something as simple as going for a run into advanced mathematics, a middle-aged man still chasing his PBT (Personal Best Time). Even so, Jude had to admit it: the guy was in great shape.

“Mom inside?” Jude asked.

“Yes, um, she’s upstairs, resting,” Mr. Fox answered. “The heat, and –-“

“No worries,” Jude answered. “I ate at work.”

“Oh, hey, right. You worked today! How’d it go?”

“Pretty much okay. They gave me a paper hat.”

Jude kept the details to the bare minimum. He saw that his father only half-listened anyway. Mr. Fox brought two fingers to the carotid artery in his neck, lips moving slightly as he counted the pulse.

“Have a good run,” Jude said.

“I’m doing Bender Hill today. Five times up, five times down,” Mr. Fox announced. “Should be back in roughly sixty-five minutes.”

Yeah, roughly. Jude was halfway up the walk and gave no reply.