Archive for August 14, 2017

BETTER OFF UNDEAD: Chapter 1, “Mirror, Mirror”

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Chapter 1

 

Mirror, Mirror

 

Mirror, mirror, on the wall. Who’s the deadest of them all?

There I was lying on the bed on another sticky summer afternoon, examining my reflection in a hand mirror. I pondered the first day of middle school, just four days away, and gazed at my decomposing face.

It wasn’t too bad, considering the fact I was dead. When you took into account that minor detail, and then compared me to all the other dead people in the world, hey, I was doing all right. Better than all right! Go ahead, dig up a grave, stick the corpse into a wicker chair next to me, then compare and contrast. Do a Venn diagram for all I care. I’ll win that beauty contest eight days a week, twice on Sunday.

That’s me, Adrian Lazarus: way hotter than most dead people.

Compared to living folks, the ones who aren’t full-on zombies, maybe I don’t look so great. Mine was a face only a mother could love, though I was beginning to have my doubts about that. After all, how could she? The whole zombie thing had been tough on Mom. She hadn’t bargained for a zombie with bad breath, body odor, and a hunger for braaaaains. Just kidding about the dietary issues. I’m pretty satisfied with an undercooked burger and greasy fries. Never super hungry these days.

A fly touched down on the windowsill near my bare feet. It lifted off again like a barnstorming pilot, performed a few dives, loop-the-loops, and barrel rolls over my exposed flesh. It buzzed my face before squeezing out a hole in the window screen. Probably just an advance scout for the coming swarm. It will tell the other flies they hit the jackpot. That’s one of the downsides of zombie life –- ha, there’s a phrase, zombie life: an oxymoron, like plastic glass and jumbo shrimp and cafeteria food — I attract flies. They follow me in black clouds like I’m the pied piper. Kneel down before me, for I am the true Lord of the Flies!

I was basking in my misery when the door opened. As usual, my little brother Dane was itching to enter my inner sanctum. As if the closed door meant nothing, and the words KEEP OUT! signaled an open invitation. Dane poked his chubby-cheeked, pug-nosed face into the room. His head was seemingly squished from forehead to chin so that it resembled an old, soft orange. To me, Dane’s smooth, dark, elastic cheeks made him look like a living garden gnome, hideous and adorable at the same time.

Dane was four years old. And unlike his big brother, very much alive.

“Hi,” Dane said. “What are you doing?”

I was doing exactly nothing, but I told him I was reading a comic book. A believable lie since I often flipped through comic books and graphic novels. There were a few comics scattered by my pillow. Reading was doing something, a way of being alone and yet totally (amazingly) connected to something other, something else, some far-away place called anywhere but here, which is where I longed to be. Without turning around, I grabbed a comic book and held it up for Dane.

“See,” I said, swiveling my head, back still to him.

“The Sandman,” Dane murmured with awe. He stepped into the room, emboldened. Dane wore red shorts held up by an elastic waistband. He had on his favorite t-shirt –- the one with a picture of the scarecrow from “The Wizard of Oz.” Inspired by his favorite movie character, Dane often stumbled around the house, prat-falling like the boneless, brainless man of straw, wind-milling his stubby arms, humming the tune from the movie. If I only had a brain.

Concern creased Dane’s face. “Can I come in?” he asked, already in.

I shrugged. All I wanted was to be left alone. But Dane needed to be near, I knew that, even a dope like me can see when he’s loved. It’s better than nothing, by a lot.

“Where’s Mom? Yoga class? Work?” I asked.

“She’s on the phone, talking to somebody about periodic rate caps,” Dane explained, without a flicker of comprehension as to what he was saying. He could join the club. I didn’t know what periodic rate caps were either. That was Mom’s work. Flipping houses, skimming a percentage off the top, moving on like a shark in bloody waters. Buying and selling.

After my father went overseas with Corporate to fight in the Water Wars, and kept re-enlisting, Mom reinvented herself. Today she’s a successful real estate agent. I couldn’t walk three blocks in town without her face beaming out from a FOR SALE sign. “Rosie Lazarus, an agent you can trust.”

Dane reached into his pocket and produced two sour apple candies. My little brother knew the way to my heart — through the gap in my rotten teeth and down into the cavities. He offered both to me.

I took one, told him to keep one for himself, pulled on the twisted ends of the crinkly wrapper, and popped the hard candy into my mouth. I grunted thanks and returned to my horrible mirror.

“I might run away,” I sighed. I could see Dane standing behind me now, reflected in the mirror, pressing closer. I felt his sticky fingers on my back, heard the hard candy rattling against his teeth.

“Don’t go to California, it’s on fire,” Dane said.

“Not all of it,” I said. After years of draught, the wildfires had started up and kept spreading. Nobody was running away to California anymore.

“Oh,” he said, blinking. Dane considered the news in silence. “Can I have your room?”

“Dane!”

His head pivoted on his shoulders as he eyed the walls and sloped ceiling, redecorating in his imagination. He’d probably fill it with Legos. Dane caught my eye in the mirror’s reflection. “Mom would be mad if you ran away.”

Maybe mad, I thought. Or relieved. “You hungry?”

The sweet boy with fat cheeks and loose curls nodded, yes, he was hungry. Dane was always hungry.

I sat up and put my feet on the carpet for the first time in hours. My toes were numb, like dull weights, lead sinkers on a fishing line. No nerve endings. I could take an axe and chop them off, from big toe to little toe, and never feel a thing. Pop ‘em off like grapes from the stem.

Dane took my cold, clammy hand. “Come,” he said, and tugged, dragging me from my dark room into the light.

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Better Off Undead will be published in October, 2017 by Macmillan. Grades 4-8, 275 pages.

“Happy Book Birthday to Me!”

 

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I am so grateful to share my good news. Today you can buy all five of these Jigsaw Jones books in your friendly neighborhood bookstore. These books have been impossible to get for a number of years. I’ve received many queries from teachers, parents, and librarians and I’ve always had to turn them away.

Yet despite this, Jigsaw has held on in popularity thanks to school librarians and teachers who have kept old, tattered copies in their classroom collections.

Now they exist again: revised, updated, reformatted. Hopefully a new generation of young readers can discover the books for themselves.

I can’t wait to visit schools this coming year, free to talk about these books that are so dear to my heart.

Publishing note: The Case from Outer Space is all new, and available in both hardcover and paperback. Four additional titles will be released in November, making for nine in all. There are plenty more where that come from!

All from Macmillan!

 

 

 

Fan Mail Wednesday #253: From Selasie, a Writer in Texas!

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This one comes from a young author in Beaumont, Texas . . .

 

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I replied:

Dear Selasie,

Thank you for your letter and your kind comments about my Jigsaw Jones books.

I am impressed that you belong to a writing club at such a young age. When I was going into 3rd grade, my big life ambition was to see how many marshmallows I could cram into my mouth. I didn’t even begin to form the faintest dream of becoming an author until high school. But I did write, and really that’s where we all begin. With pen in hand, staring at that blank page.

So you are way ahead of me.

Sure, yes, please send along a manuscript. I’d love to read it. That said, please know that my belief is that the best thing you can do at this point is to write and read –- often, and widely –- rather than focus on publication. Enjoy yourself, follow your enthusiasms, have fun with it

Joey and Danika visit Jigsaw's house in THE CASE FROM OUTER SPACE. This wonderful illustration is by R.W. Alley.

Joey and Danika visit Jigsaw’s house in THE CASE FROM OUTER SPACE. This wonderful illustration is by R.W. Alley.

There is a new Jigsaw Jones book coming out this August 8th, The Case from Outer Space, along with four other titles. By November, there will be 8 “classroom classics” available for the first time in years –- previously published, newly revised and updated, all from Macmillan. Ask for them at your local bookstore.

I’m always glad to hear from my friends in Texas. I’ve wanted to get invited to visit schools in TX for years. It hasn’t happened yet, but I’m not giving up hope!

Oh, and thanks for the SASE. I’ll save it for next time you write. I am sending along two posters, one for you and one for the kind teacher who hosts your writing club.

Keep writing. You inspire me!

James Preller

Cover, Back Cover of Possibly My Favorite “Jigsaw Jones” Title

A funny thing about the newly re-published Jigsaw Jones books: I kind of like the back covers best of all. It’s nice to see all the new covers ganged up together. That great feeling of: there, we did it.

Buried Treasure_Back Cover (1)-A funny thing about the newly re-published Jigsaw Jones books: I kind of like the back covers best of all.A funny thing about the newly re-published Jigsaw

I mean compared to the front covers. (I still like the insides, the black squiggles between the covers, the stuff I did.)

I’m sometimes asked about my favorite Jigsaw Jones book. I don’t have a firm answer, but this title would definitely be in the running. Each book is different. In this one, I like how the mystery unfolds as a chain of mini-mysteries to solve, sort of a “Da Vinci Code” for grades 1-3, and I’m happy with the ending, always glad when there’s a sweet moment at the conclusion, some kind of heart that lifts the story up to a better place. To me, that’s when I’m happiest with a book. I often aspire to that pang at the end. And, okay, this book also includes a few sly references to the New York Mets.

This book is due out in November, I’m almost positive.

Buried Treasure