Sometimes I get packages of letters from a class or school. Dozens of letters. I thought I’d cull some lines from one such package, sent by Ellen Schumer at The Red Mill School. Usually in this “fan mail” series, I try to give complete, thoughtful, respectful answers to serious questions.
You are so funny. Last night I was wondering what it would be like eating on a door. I asked my mom if she could go out and buy a door, but unfortunately she said no. — Ryan.
Moms can be so heartless. You should have asked Dad.
Some of my favorite things to write about are animals that are canivores. I enjoy reading about carnivores too. I think I like carnivores because of their sharp fangs. — Troy
I’m thinking you’re not a big salad guy.
The Jigsaw Jones books that you write are hularias. I love drawing pictures too! The story about a door as a table was too funny! I could barely hold my insides in. I am thinking of being an author when I grow up. — Rachel
That’s why on school visits I always bring a mop.
You are a great writer Mr. Preller. I hope you have fun writing books. — Lucky
I loved it when you were really funny. — Nadaya.
The other times, not so much?
When you read Mighty Casey you cracked me up. When the kid went pee in the outfield that was hysterical. — Damon
Note to self: Add more scenes of public urination to books. Readers seem to love it.
When you were a kid were you picked on? — Aidan
No. But I saw it sometimes and I remember it all very clearly, the faces, the fear, and the confused feeling of standing there, hands at my sides, doing nothing, wondering what to do.
I hate carrots. I know they are healthy but I don’t like them that much. I eat carrots but not that much! — Nicole
You are going blind. Eat those carrots!!!
You are very funny because you stole your brother’s homework. Could you write more than 300 pages? — Edward
In a row?
I hope you come back really really soon. — Justin
Thank you. It’s probably best if your school brings in a different author or illustrator. Change is good. But I’ll always remember Red Mill.
I read all of your Jigsaw Jones books. I love all of them. You are funny. I love Six Innings. I love the way you write your books. — Ashley
Woud your parents mind if I adopted you? Or rented you out for a weekend or something?
POSTSCRIPT ABOUT BAFFLING DOOR REFERENCES: On visits, I sometimes tell a brief story about the kitchen table we had when I was growing up. Yes, it was a door.