Archive for February 2, 2010

What I’ve Been Working On: A Brief Sample

In college I had a teacher, Dr. Pat Meanor at Oneonta, who said something that I’ve always taken to heart. He said if you want to write, then you had better shut your mouth. Don’t talk about it. Otherwise all that creative energy escapes out your mouth instead of your hands (writers, after all, work with their hands).

I’ve been reluctant to talk about works in progress ever since. It feels to me like misplaced focus. So easy to talk about it, much harder to sit down and do it. Besides, as everybody knows, talk is cheap, the purview of phonies. The only thing that matters is what you get down on the page. Yet this blog is intended, in part, to document “the writer’s life.” So here’s a quick update.

This summer, I have two hardcover books coming out. First there’s A Pirate’s Guide to First Grade (Feiwel & Friends), a picture book illustrated by Greg Ruth. I think it’s a lot of fun, with real kid-appeal, and Greg Ruth is a brilliant artist. For more on that, click here.

Justin Fisher Declares War! (Scholastic), a middle grade sequel-of-sorts to Along Came Spider. It’s set in the same school and a few characters from the first book reappear in minor roles. This is my Rebound Book after Bystander, which was a far more ambitious novel. That is: Justin Fisher Declares War! is lighthearted, easy-to-read, funny, fast, almost frivolous. NOTE: In no way do you need to read Spider in order to enjoy Justin. The book stands on its own.

What am I writing now? Well, I’m thrilled to be working on my first YA, involving characters ages 16 years old. It’s been a liberating experience as a writer, and I feel as if I’m working in my natural voice. I’ve been pushed and stretched in new ways, and it’s taken a while to find myself on terra firma. I’ve splashed around a bit. Maybe that’s appropriate, because the book is set on Long Island, with many scenes at Jones Beach (my old haunt); it involves a boy-girl relationship, a car crash, summer friendships, and other stuff. The truth? I don’t want to talk about it; I want to write it. So that’s what I’ve been doing.

Below you’ll find a brief sample from an early chapter. Remember, this is YA and contains some language. I must emphasize, we’re talking Unedited First Draft. I’ll certainly make many changes in subsequent revisions before I send this to my editor, ultra-cool Liz Szabla, who has not read a word of it yet. Absolutely no one has seen this before. Raw output. Maybe it all gets scrapped; too soon to tell.

Jude squeezed his eyes shut, blinking away the sun’s glare, and waited for the eight-fifteen-in-the-freaking-morning bus. On a Saturday, no less. The stop was located beneath the elevated Long Island railroad, with rails that hummed overhead and stretched across the length of the island, connecting the farthest points east all the way to Pennsylvania Station in Manhattan. Ever since his family relocated to the island five years ago, New York City had beckoned to Jude, offering an exotic world of freedom and possibility. The city stood as a skyscrapery refutation of his suburban life, escape only a train ticket and 45 minutes away.

He sat cross-legged on the curb, leaned back on his hands, and scanned the road for coming traffic. Most people around here drove like psychopaths and Jude wasn’t eager to have his legs run over. It might ruin his weekend, the bleeding stumps, all that dragging around. Better, he thought, not to get run over in the first place, so he cast a wary eye down the road. Today was the first day of the rest of Jude’s life and he would spend it at Jones Beach – starting a new summer job at a concession stand. Nobody’d want to miss that kind of excitement. Barely awake, he had dressed in the required dweebware, a uniform of black pants and orange t-shirt. Because, like, naturally you wear black pants to the beach. Jude Fox was on his unmerry way to becoming a minimum-wage flunky, a hot dog grilling, soda spilling concession stand worker. Greatness to follow.

The morning sun shone not high above the horizon, garish and bright, so Jude stepped back into the station’s cool cement shadows. It was going to be a hot one, the first scorcher of summer; not a cloud in sight, just blue June skies. In truth, Jude didn’t hate the idea of working. He’d heard that beach jobs could be okay, even fun. But Jude was a realist; he knew it would basically suck. Had to, right? After all, he’d heard people complain about their jobs all his life, why should his job be any different. So he could not help but wonder if taking this job had been a mistake. Sometimes it felt to Jude that he was just like those trains overhead, traveling along between two steel rails, the course of his teenage life mapped out long ago. No steering wheel, no brakes. Jude followed the path carved out for him, no different from anybody else. In two years, college; after that, marriage, kids, and it’s a wonderful life.

These are the thoughts you have when you wake up too damn early on a Saturday.

Join me on the “MARCH TO FIFTY!”

Yes, it’s my birthday today, February 1. I’m an inglorious 49. Which means that I am now embarking on a fun-filled, yearlong journey to fabulous 50. Cocktails included!

I invite you to join with me in the celebration. You don’t need to be 49. The extravaganza is open to everybody. You can be 5 or 35, so long as you are determined to reach the same goal. The Big Five-O. If you already made it there, holy cow, I want to shake your hand — or at least offer you a place to sit down.

Quick question:

Q. Is fifty too young to be worried about bladder problems?

A. Depends.

Cue the song:

You need to a flashplayer enabled browser to view this YouTube video

If I was a clever chap with technical chops, I’d edit something new with clips from my life. Same graphics, same song, same waves, different actors. Preller Five-O! That would be hysterical, right? Paul, you out there? Do we know how to do that?

So you may be wondering, what will this MARCH TO FIFTY be like? Or even, Is it very far? First, no promises, except one: All your wildest dreams will come true.

You’re going to have to trust me on this.

I’m envisioning a yearlong celebration at a variety of venues, a movable feast if you will, with unconfirmed guest appearances by inspirational luminaries such as . . .

Clint Eastwood . . .

Betty White . . .

Leonard Nimoy . . .

and, if the gods so desire it, Dick Clark to perform the final countdown . . .

Dick needs to spend less time in the sun, methinks.

Moving right along, the MARCH TO FIFTY will culminate on February 1, 2011, with a blown wish and a slice of cake.

Don’t miss out. Reserve your seats now. Walkers and canes available for a modest rental fee. I’m predicting wild times, with lots of licking and moisture!

My wife Lisa always has the same comment when talk turns to her beloved’s Big Five-O. She invariably (and too cheerfully) refers to “the mandatory checkup.” Or more euphemistically, “the procedure.” You know, that routine screening test for people 50 years of age or older. My wife seems downright giddy at the prospect. Too giddy, if you ask me.

When Lisa was a nurse still studying to become a midwife, she attended several of those (cough, cough) procedures. Despite my protests, she described them to me in gritty detail. So I have a pretty good idea of what’s coming and, for that matter, where it’s going.

On this topic, Dave Barry may be king. Wrote Barry:

I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastroenterologist, to make an appointment for a colonoscopy. A few days later, in his office, Andy showed me a color diagram of the colon, a lengthy organ that appears to go all over the place, at one point passing briefly through Minneapolis . Then Andy explained the colonoscopy procedure to me in a thorough, reassuring and patient manner. I nodded thoughtfully, but I didn’t really hear anything he said, because my brain was shrieking, quote, ‘HE’S GOING TO STICK A TUBE 17,000 FEET UP YOUR BEHIND!’

Click here for more hilarity on that. The guy is funny. I’ll be laughing all the way to fifty.

As for the procedure, I’m pretty sure it involves something commonly found in most suburban backyards:

In the meantime, I’ll try to enjoy inglorious 49 while it lasts!