It sounds like a George Carlin riff, but no one with any sense is laughing. That is, so long as we all agree to disqualify the rueful laugh, the mournful chuckle, or the stomach’s sad-and-knowing rumble.
You know, the laugh that keeps you from screaming.
Click here for the article that caused my jaw to drop:
The New York City Department of Education is waging a war on words of sorts, and is seeking to have words they deem upsetting removed from standardized tests.
Fearing that certain words and topics can make students feel unpleasant, officials are requesting 50 or so words be removed from city-issued tests.
Ludicrous, misguided, dumb. I won’t keep you in suspense.
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The complete list of words that could be banned:
Abuse (physical, sexual, emotional, or psychological)
Alcohol (beer and liquor), tobacco, or drugs
Birthday celebrations (and birthdays)
Bodily functions
Cancer (and other diseases)
Catastrophes/disasters (tsunamis and hurricanes)
Celebrities
Children dealing with serious issues
Cigarettes (and other smoking paraphernalia)
Computers in the home (acceptable in a school or library setting)
Crime
Death and disease
Divorce
Evolution
Expensive gifts, vacations, and prizes
Gambling involving money
Halloween
Homelessness
Homes with swimming pools
Hunting
Junk food
In-depth discussions of sports that require prior knowledge
Loss of employment
Nuclear weapons
Occult topics (i.e. fortune-telling)
Parapsychology
Politics
Pornography
Poverty
Rap Music
Religion
Religious holidays and festivals (including but not limited to Christmas, Yom Kippur, and Ramadan)
Rock-and-Roll music
Running away
Sex
Slavery
Terrorism
Television and video games (excessive use)
Traumatic material (including material that may be particularly upsetting such as animal shelters)
Vermin (rats and roaches)
Violence
War and bloodshed
Weapons (guns, knives, etc.)
Witchcraft, sorcery, etc.
Of course, we’re not really talking about words, are we? We are talking about realities and ideas — those shadowy, sometimes unpleasant things that words are meant to represent.
I wish I could laugh, but I’m screaming.
Will there still be READING on these tests? After all, one of the greatest factors influencing students’ performance on such tests is their access to books. Perhaps, we should just limit books to school and libraries and leave out books in the home, too. Ridiculous.
Donalyn, I’ve decided to follow these guidelines for the next book I’m writing.
It’s about a lamp.
So we are accommodating:
1. Religious freaks and other magical thinking american psychopaths who prefer to believe in talking snakes over scientific inquiry
2. An establishment that would prefer that we ignored the vast inequities of the American economic system
It’s just business as usual in America!