In the August 4 issue of The New Yorker, Simon Rich offers up a comic piece in his Shouts & Murmurs column, titled, “Play Nice.” He details three brief scenes, all based on a simple premise: “If adults were subjected to the same indignities as children . . .”
Here’s my favorite:
Lou Rosenblatt: Can I drive your car? I’ll give it back when I’m done.
Mrs. Herson: I’m sorry, do I know you?
Lou Rosenblatt: No, but we’re the same age and we use the same garage.
Mrs. Herson: No offense, sir, but I really don’t feel comfortable lending you my car. I mean, it’s by far my most important possession.
Brian Herson: Mom, I’m surprised at you! What did we learn about sharing?
Mrs. Herson: You’re right . . . I’m sorry. Take my Mercedes.
Lou Rosenblatt: Thank you. Can I come over to your house later? I’m lonely and I don’t have any friends.
Mrs. Herson: Well . . . actually . . . I kind of had plans tonight.
Brian Herson: Are you excluding him?
Mrs. Herson: No, of course not! (Sighs.) Here’s my address, sir. The party starts at eight.
Lou Rosenblatt: I’ll show up a little early.
Mrs. Herson: What’s that on your face?
Lou Rosenblatt: Mucus. I haven’t learned how to blow my nose yet, so I just go around like this all the time.
Mrs. Herson: Oh.
Lou Rosenblatt: I’ll see you soon, inside your house.
For the full article, and another chuckle or two, click . . . here.
I love that last line, btw, that unnecessary but devastating kicker at the end, “. . . inside your house.”
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